Is your body perfect? Yes? You, I'd like to meet.

Ok, so somewhere out there, I'm sure there are girls who do exist that really, truly love the way they look in the mirror. They look in the mirror and go, "Yeah, baby, yeah!" (Think Austin Powers now!) And, power to them, I say. Good for you! I'd like to meet them, just one of those girls. Just one. Because, to date, I haven't met one yet. Not one that copped to it, anyway. Even the girls who really like themselves quite a bit.... these girls follow up every compliment with, "Yes, BUT..." The "BUT" will be followed by a particular body part they feel could be better. Sigh. They just discredited themselves and reduced their body image to that one bad body part that could be better. I've heard every one of my friends, many are gorgeous, breathtaking women, complain about particular body part over and over and they will truly never be happy with themselves as a whole because of this part(s). How sad is this? It makes me very sad.

So... listen up! I'm talking to you! I know you have complained about your body part(s) you don't like and I know you dwell on it a lot! You let it bring you down! You let it define you! You sum yourself up as "less than" because of it! You beat yourself up over it! You reduce yourself to that one perceived lousy body part that you feel is bad. I have two things to say: 1) Shame on you!!! Would you do this to your child? Of course not, you say! That would be horrible and long term damage would occur. YOU are your own child. We are the only ones who can ultimately take emotional care of ourselves. We self talk all day, every day. Why is it ok to hate on yourself? I say, it's not ok! and... 2) We can't forget about happiness. Isn't happiness the goal? If you aren't happy today, with what you have, do you really think you will be happy tomorrow when you arrive at that perfect goal or achieve that desired look you have been longing for? I'm talking true happiness. True happiness is found within. Yes, it's cliche but true. Happiness is a choice. As long as you are busy beating yourself up over how lousy you look you can't truly love yourself and you can't truly be happy. Isn't love and happiness all we all really want? Ultimately?

So, where do I stand in all of this, you ask? Well, let me tell ya. Body image has been a long time struggle for me. And it's been a darn shame and a lot of wasted energy, wasted time, wasted negative thinking. I'm just now figuring this out and I'm in my late forties. I look back now, like so many women do, and now I realize that I looked pretty good in my younger years and didn't appreciate it or realize it at the time. In my younger years, I was too busy beating myself up for my shortcomings. Am I going to repeat this in another 20 years? At 60-something, am I going to look back at pictures of me now and think, "Dang, I looked pretty good at 46!?" Sigh again.

Let's start at the beginning. That's always a great place to start! It started in grade school. Some girls in 6th grade were beginning to get boobs. Not me. Nope. I was then thinking, uh-oh, what if they never grow? The bad thing (which is also the good thing!) about breasts is that everyone can see: a) you have them, or b) you don't. It's really that simple. Well, thank God in 7th grade they managed to come along with all the other stuff puberty brings. Enough said. So, that solved my problem, right? har! har! snort! hardy-har-har! You're funny! What, you say? So, things are good now at that point, right? Oh, no. They weren't big enough. I kept thinking, "You're done? That's IT? Seriously, they aren't going to grow anymore?" Sigh.

I grew up in the 70's and early 80's when curves were in and I definitely didn't have any. Sure, a lot of people thought skinny was great and I fit that profile. But oh, how I longed for curves. Yes, I had long legs, but I hated being taller than most boys. And my hair was fine and thin, and too straight, and never grew much past my shoulders, and I was too skinny. Did I mention I was too skinny? Oh, yeah, I covered that. I would stare at fashion magazines for hours, days on end. I never looked like those girls and I never would, or so I believed.

Then, I finally did gain some weight my senior year of high school. I thought I looked fine, but my mom started in on me to diet. Bless her heart. No, I don't blame her for anything. I promise. She was an amazing mom. She was just old school. Very old school. You were only as good as the man you could catch and you needed bait to catch 'em. Good bait. My mom was just looking out for my interests and doing what she thought was best for me.... keeping me pretty and desirable. After all, a proper girl doesn't go anywhere outside of the home without makeup on. My mom and I even trotted to the doctor and he proceeded to put me on the Cambridge liquid diet back in the 80's. Seriously! He even had the powdered stuff in his office available for sale. I couldn't have weighed more than 135 at 5'9". This disgusts me when I think of it to this day.

Years of dieting, exercising, and all kinds of crazy pill-popping, ephedra taking, gym membership joinin, exercise equipment purchasing, blah blah you name it. I've tried it all over the years. From Jane Fonda to Richard Simmons. The 20-minute workout. Aerobics. Jumping jacks. Swimming. Jogging. The mini trampoline. The rowing machine. Rubber bands. The rubber band weight machine. Leg warmers. Head bands, wrist bands. OOPS! That was a fashion trend. Sorry, I got distracted thinking about the fashion trends associated with working out! Back to the diets - no fat, low fat, no carbs, low carbs, zero calories, artificial everything, liquid diets, high fiber, high laxatives, throwing up. Did I say that out loud? Yup. You know you've tried it, if you're a girl! Some has worked, some hasn't. This brings me to today.

So, let's talk about today! Today is the best ever and I love it! Do I think my body is perfect? Hell, no!!! Do I love my body? Hmmmmm. Well, yes. Yes, I do. Can I look in the mirror and love my body? Yes! Well, wait... Dressed, or undressed? Dressed, you say? YES!!! Undressed, you say? cough, cough, choke. I didn't hear you? Can you repeat the question please? Ok, ok, I don't want to be a hypocrite. I can't lie! I don't love my body visually, no. But, I like it, so does that count? It's still a bit of a struggle for me. I knew it, you say! You're expecting me to do something you don't do yourself!!! (you pointing your finger at me now). So now have I become Michelle Obama who preaches to eat healthy but eats a plate of ribs? Yes, I am her. I preach to love your body, exactly as you are. Start there. Improvement is great, strive to be the best you can be, but start from a place of love. So, how can I say this not totally, completely, unconditionally loving myself exactly as I am, you ask? Let me explain... will ya, please?

I do love myself! I do! Unconditionally! For the first time in my life, I can say that and mean it. How do I define love? To accept oneself regardless of the state. To be your own BFF. To stand by yourself. To recognize your strengths and weaknesses and still offer encouragement. To dwell on the positive and minimize the negative. Do unto yourself as you would do to others. To realize you have ups and downs and the love you feel and show is consistent in spite of whether you are currently in an up, or currently in a down. To say to oneself that hey, I know everyone on earth SEES me before they KNOW me, and they JUDGE me visually immediately, but it's a human thing to do, so that's ok. I even do it to myself, and again, that's ok. None of us can help that. It's natural. It also doesn't matter, because the lasting impression I leave on that person will not be how I look, but how I act, how I treat them, my mannerisms, my spirit, my energy, my sparkle, zing, zip and pop! THAT is what they will remember and truly judge me by in the long term. So THAT is what really matters.

So... when I look in the mirror, naked, and I'd rather not see my belly sticking out quite as much as it does, well.... do I love the way I look? Yes, and no. I could look better. Do I love myself anyway? YES! Do I walk away from the mirror and think about how crappy I look and put myself into a box and label myself as "less than" because I have some extra pounds I'd rather not have? No, I do not do that. I used to do that. I don't anymore. Now, before I step away from the mirror, I look at all the things I LIKE about myself. I like my smile, so I smile. I like my legs and my butt. So, before I step away from the mirror, I make sure and turn around and sneak a little peak and if I need it, give myself a little pep talk. Now, I can be free to walk away and get on with my day. I've got some smiles to deliver, some beautiful faces to see, some life to live. I appreciate my health. I'm happy I have a meal in my fridge and a little bit of money in my bank account. I'm happy I have free will and freedom over my thoughts. I'm glad I made it this long in life. I'm grateful for my friends and family. I could go on.... but you get it. Who really cares about those extra pounds? Sure, hopefully someday soon I will start doing Pilates again and lose it and feel better inside and out. But, until then, Love is the answer!

This is dedicated to the one girl in my life who told me (at one time in my past) that I didn't truly love myself and that was my problem. Until you love yourself, she said, you can never really love others or be loved. I didn't get it. I get it now. Finally! It took me awhile haha. Her many phrases and words of wisdom over the years have sunk into me deep and will always reside in my heart, mind and soul. She planted those seeds and made me question things and seek out answers. For that, I'm always grateful and I only hope I can do the same thing for someone else as I discover and uncover some of the truths in life :) Lord knows I have a ways to go, but hey, life is a constant lesson to be had. Love you Kris!