Ok, so somewhere out there, I'm sure there are girls who do exist that really, truly love the way they look in the mirror. They look in the mirror and go, "Yeah, baby, yeah!" (Think Austin Powers now!) And, power to them, I say. Good for you! I'd like to meet them, just one of those girls. Just one. Because, to date, I haven't met one yet. Not one that copped to it, anyway. Even the girls who really like themselves quite a bit.... these girls follow up every compliment with, "Yes, BUT..." The "BUT" will be followed by a particular body part they feel could be better. Sigh. They just discredited themselves and reduced their body image to that one bad body part that could be better. I've heard every one of my friends, many are gorgeous, breathtaking women, complain about particular body part over and over and they will truly never be happy with themselves as a whole because of this part(s). How sad is this? It makes me very sad.
So... listen up! I'm talking to you! I know you have complained about your body part(s) you don't like and I know you dwell on it a lot! You let it bring you down! You let it define you! You sum yourself up as "less than" because of it! You beat yourself up over it! You reduce yourself to that one perceived lousy body part that you feel is bad. I have two things to say: 1) Shame on you!!! Would you do this to your child? Of course not, you say! That would be horrible and long term damage would occur. YOU are your own child. We are the only ones who can ultimately take emotional care of ourselves. We self talk all day, every day. Why is it ok to hate on yourself? I say, it's not ok! and... 2) We can't forget about happiness. Isn't happiness the goal? If you aren't happy today, with what you have, do you really think you will be happy tomorrow when you arrive at that perfect goal or achieve that desired look you have been longing for? I'm talking true happiness. True happiness is found within. Yes, it's cliche but true. Happiness is a choice. As long as you are busy beating yourself up over how lousy you look you can't truly love yourself and you can't truly be happy. Isn't love and happiness all we all really want? Ultimately?
So, where do I stand in all of this, you ask? Well, let me tell ya. Body image has been a long time struggle for me. And it's been a darn shame and a lot of wasted energy, wasted time, wasted negative thinking. I'm just now figuring this out and I'm in my late forties. I look back now, like so many women do, and now I realize that I looked pretty good in my younger years and didn't appreciate it or realize it at the time. In my younger years, I was too busy beating myself up for my shortcomings. Am I going to repeat this in another 20 years? At 60-something, am I going to look back at pictures of me now and think, "Dang, I looked pretty good at 46!?" Sigh again.
Let's start at the beginning. That's always a great place to start! It started in grade school. Some girls in 6th grade were beginning to get boobs. Not me. Nope. I was then thinking, uh-oh, what if they never grow? The bad thing (which is also the good thing!) about breasts is that everyone can see: a) you have them, or b) you don't. It's really that simple. Well, thank God in 7th grade they managed to come along with all the other stuff puberty brings. Enough said. So, that solved my problem, right? har! har! snort! hardy-har-har! You're funny! What, you say? So, things are good now at that point, right? Oh, no. They weren't big enough. I kept thinking, "You're done? That's IT? Seriously, they aren't going to grow anymore?" Sigh.
I grew up in the 70's and early 80's when curves were in and I definitely didn't have any. Sure, a lot of people thought skinny was great and I fit that profile. But oh, how I longed for curves. Yes, I had long legs, but I hated being taller than most boys. And my hair was fine and thin, and too straight, and never grew much past my shoulders, and I was too skinny. Did I mention I was too skinny? Oh, yeah, I covered that. I would stare at fashion magazines for hours, days on end. I never looked like those girls and I never would, or so I believed.
Then, I finally did gain some weight my senior year of high school. I thought I looked fine, but my mom started in on me to diet. Bless her heart. No, I don't blame her for anything. I promise. She was an amazing mom. She was just old school. Very old school. You were only as good as the man you could catch and you needed bait to catch 'em. Good bait. My mom was just looking out for my interests and doing what she thought was best for me.... keeping me pretty and desirable. After all, a proper girl doesn't go anywhere outside of the home without makeup on. My mom and I even trotted to the doctor and he proceeded to put me on the Cambridge liquid diet back in the 80's. Seriously! He even had the powdered stuff in his office available for sale. I couldn't have weighed more than 135 at 5'9". This disgusts me when I think of it to this day.
Years of dieting, exercising, and all kinds of crazy pill-popping, ephedra taking, gym membership joinin, exercise equipment purchasing, blah blah you name it. I've tried it all over the years. From Jane Fonda to Richard Simmons. The 20-minute workout. Aerobics. Jumping jacks. Swimming. Jogging. The mini trampoline. The rowing machine. Rubber bands. The rubber band weight machine. Leg warmers. Head bands, wrist bands. OOPS! That was a fashion trend. Sorry, I got distracted thinking about the fashion trends associated with working out! Back to the diets - no fat, low fat, no carbs, low carbs, zero calories, artificial everything, liquid diets, high fiber, high laxatives, throwing up. Did I say that out loud? Yup. You know you've tried it, if you're a girl! Some has worked, some hasn't. This brings me to today.
So, let's talk about today! Today is the best ever and I love it! Do I think my body is perfect? Hell, no!!! Do I love my body? Hmmmmm. Well, yes. Yes, I do. Can I look in the mirror and love my body? Yes! Well, wait... Dressed, or undressed? Dressed, you say? YES!!! Undressed, you say? cough, cough, choke. I didn't hear you? Can you repeat the question please? Ok, ok, I don't want to be a hypocrite. I can't lie! I don't love my body visually, no. But, I like it, so does that count? It's still a bit of a struggle for me. I knew it, you say! You're expecting me to do something you don't do yourself!!! (you pointing your finger at me now). So now have I become Michelle Obama who preaches to eat healthy but eats a plate of ribs? Yes, I am her. I preach to love your body, exactly as you are. Start there. Improvement is great, strive to be the best you can be, but start from a place of love. So, how can I say this not totally, completely, unconditionally loving myself exactly as I am, you ask? Let me explain... will ya, please?
I do love myself! I do! Unconditionally! For the first time in my life, I can say that and mean it. How do I define love? To accept oneself regardless of the state. To be your own BFF. To stand by yourself. To recognize your strengths and weaknesses and still offer encouragement. To dwell on the positive and minimize the negative. Do unto yourself as you would do to others. To realize you have ups and downs and the love you feel and show is consistent in spite of whether you are currently in an up, or currently in a down. To say to oneself that hey, I know everyone on earth SEES me before they KNOW me, and they JUDGE me visually immediately, but it's a human thing to do, so that's ok. I even do it to myself, and again, that's ok. None of us can help that. It's natural. It also doesn't matter, because the lasting impression I leave on that person will not be how I look, but how I act, how I treat them, my mannerisms, my spirit, my energy, my sparkle, zing, zip and pop! THAT is what they will remember and truly judge me by in the long term. So THAT is what really matters.
So... when I look in the mirror, naked, and I'd rather not see my belly sticking out quite as much as it does, well.... do I love the way I look? Yes, and no. I could look better. Do I love myself anyway? YES! Do I walk away from the mirror and think about how crappy I look and put myself into a box and label myself as "less than" because I have some extra pounds I'd rather not have? No, I do not do that. I used to do that. I don't anymore. Now, before I step away from the mirror, I look at all the things I LIKE about myself. I like my smile, so I smile. I like my legs and my butt. So, before I step away from the mirror, I make sure and turn around and sneak a little peak and if I need it, give myself a little pep talk. Now, I can be free to walk away and get on with my day. I've got some smiles to deliver, some beautiful faces to see, some life to live. I appreciate my health. I'm happy I have a meal in my fridge and a little bit of money in my bank account. I'm happy I have free will and freedom over my thoughts. I'm glad I made it this long in life. I'm grateful for my friends and family. I could go on.... but you get it. Who really cares about those extra pounds? Sure, hopefully someday soon I will start doing Pilates again and lose it and feel better inside and out. But, until then, Love is the answer!
This is dedicated to the one girl in my life who told me (at one time in my past) that I didn't truly love myself and that was my problem. Until you love yourself, she said, you can never really love others or be loved. I didn't get it. I get it now. Finally! It took me awhile haha. Her many phrases and words of wisdom over the years have sunk into me deep and will always reside in my heart, mind and soul. She planted those seeds and made me question things and seek out answers. For that, I'm always grateful and I only hope I can do the same thing for someone else as I discover and uncover some of the truths in life :) Lord knows I have a ways to go, but hey, life is a constant lesson to be had. Love you Kris!
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Saturday, February 19, 2011
My Lifelong Friend... My Jeep!
Some people have their dogs. Some people have their cats. Me, I have my Jeep!
My Jeep and I met in 2000. She is a 1997 Jeep Cherokee 4WD and I love her! How do I know she's a girl, you ask? Well, she loves attention and she has two beautiful big headlights up front (Eyes! Get your mind out if the gutter!).
How did we meet? I'm so glad you asked! It started when I decided to have kid number two. There is that moment when your back says to you, "Really? You seriously expect me to lean over, stretch into that tiny back seat from your two-door car, AND lift a 10 pound baby swaddled in blankets, the child seat and the diaper bag, and do this HOW many times per day"? Once it become necessary to trade in the Fiero for something a little more family friendly, there were two choices: mini van or S.U.V. Myself, I'm an SUV kind of girl! So that's how you met, you ask. Nope! But I'm getting there! Give me a minute to explain, will ya please? Sheesh!
So, as I was saying, I'm an SUV kind of girl, so I bought a Chevy Blazer. One day, I was pulling into Oak Park Mall. (A girl's got to shop!) As I was entering the mall, there is that very large sign that says, "Enter without stopping" (or something like that). So, while I'm driving and busy not stopping, I begin to realize the woman who has the stop sign is not stopping either. As much as I'm aware of this, there is nothing I can do. I'm heading south and she is heading west and physics say two objects in motion stay in motion until an opposing force is applied. She never stopped and my car become her opposing force.
You know those dreams you have where you are trying to run and can't? Your feet are moving, but you're going nowhere. Or, you speak, but it's slow-mo and no one can hear you or understand you? That became my reality. 1. I realize she isn't going to apply her brakes. 2. I realize we are going to collide. 3. I can't maneuver my car to avoid this. 3. She still isn't stopping after impact. 4. My ... car ... is ... going ... to ... tip .... O...V....E...R! It's going, slowly, over, is it? Is it? Yes, I think so. Is it? Yes! It isssssssss! Nooooooooo! Next thing you know, I'm on my right side haha! I gotta say, it was fun, I wasn't hurt snapped in safely in my seat belt, AND I didn't have to pay $30 including $5 off admission with a Coke can!
So what does all this have to do with anything? It was a fun story, don't you think? I just threw it in for some entertainment value! Just kidding! My Blazer was totaled, my friend told me I had to get a Jeep cuz they are awesome, so I did. That's how my true love and I met!
My Jeep, labeled "The Beast" by my son Matt, and I have been through a lot. She's had hail damage a couple times. Several wrecks have occurred, one on Thanksgiving. She has been stolen twice. The second time was in broad daylight at Walmart, and on my birthday! I tell ya, they mean it when they say prices keep dropping every day. The price of my Jeep had dropped to free that day. My Jeep has killed a couple of deers. Sorry, I don't know what she has against them. I personally like deer. The Beast has been through Matt learning to drive. One wreck later a (yes mom, I WAS following too close) and two blown speakers (no mom, I promise I didn't have the radio on full blast!) and he is now a very good driver! At least he didn't total her out. For that, I'm grateful!
Matt labeled her The Beast because she can drive over just about any curb and through most snow. She has doors of steel and a heavy chassis. I used to swap cars with Matt on snowy days because of his inexperience in driving when he was 15. He called me in the midst of his first wreck. "No, the Jeep isn't damaged at all. But.... You should have seen the trunk on that other car! It was folded in half! Tee - hee.
One particular snowy, typical winter Kansas day, our neighbor was stuck. For 30 minutes he was backing up, going forward, trying to get unstuck. He had this HUGE truck, not four wheel drive obviously. The driveway was behind his house and you had to go up an incline to get out to the street. Matt and I went over and pushed. It didn't budge. So, I offered to pull him out with the Jeep. He laughed at me, so we went back home. Hours later, his buddy came over to help him. The two of them tried all kinds of things to get him unstuck, to no avail. I walked over again. "We can try to use the Jeep to pull you out?" This time he was annoyed. "It won't work!", he said. His friend looked at me, shrugged his shoulders, and said it's worth a try. 10 minutes later, the chains are attached and The Beast is pulling that big ass truck up and out of that snowy parking lot! Yup! I'm not one to say I told you so, so I just smiled and drove home with my Jeep. He didn't even say thank you. That's ok, I left with his ego so I got more than I needed!
Now that The Beast is getting old, I feel her pain when I hear the squeaks. I just keep her lubed up with fresh synthetic oil and a bath now and then and she is good to go. She likes a couple of pats on the dash and she always brightens up when I tell her how much I love her. Sure, I miss my Fiero (Matt and I had lots of fun riding in that two seater) but my Jeep and I have been through raising a family together. You just can't replace memories like that. We are growing old together, but we still have lots of exciting adventures left! I just hope we leave this world together at the same time. I don't think I can bear to be in this life for even one day without her!
My Jeep and I met in 2000. She is a 1997 Jeep Cherokee 4WD and I love her! How do I know she's a girl, you ask? Well, she loves attention and she has two beautiful big headlights up front (Eyes! Get your mind out if the gutter!).
How did we meet? I'm so glad you asked! It started when I decided to have kid number two. There is that moment when your back says to you, "Really? You seriously expect me to lean over, stretch into that tiny back seat from your two-door car, AND lift a 10 pound baby swaddled in blankets, the child seat and the diaper bag, and do this HOW many times per day"? Once it become necessary to trade in the Fiero for something a little more family friendly, there were two choices: mini van or S.U.V. Myself, I'm an SUV kind of girl! So that's how you met, you ask. Nope! But I'm getting there! Give me a minute to explain, will ya please? Sheesh!
So, as I was saying, I'm an SUV kind of girl, so I bought a Chevy Blazer. One day, I was pulling into Oak Park Mall. (A girl's got to shop!) As I was entering the mall, there is that very large sign that says, "Enter without stopping" (or something like that). So, while I'm driving and busy not stopping, I begin to realize the woman who has the stop sign is not stopping either. As much as I'm aware of this, there is nothing I can do. I'm heading south and she is heading west and physics say two objects in motion stay in motion until an opposing force is applied. She never stopped and my car become her opposing force.
You know those dreams you have where you are trying to run and can't? Your feet are moving, but you're going nowhere. Or, you speak, but it's slow-mo and no one can hear you or understand you? That became my reality. 1. I realize she isn't going to apply her brakes. 2. I realize we are going to collide. 3. I can't maneuver my car to avoid this. 3. She still isn't stopping after impact. 4. My ... car ... is ... going ... to ... tip .... O...V....E...R! It's going, slowly, over, is it? Is it? Yes, I think so. Is it? Yes! It isssssssss! Nooooooooo! Next thing you know, I'm on my right side haha! I gotta say, it was fun, I wasn't hurt snapped in safely in my seat belt, AND I didn't have to pay $30 including $5 off admission with a Coke can!
So what does all this have to do with anything? It was a fun story, don't you think? I just threw it in for some entertainment value! Just kidding! My Blazer was totaled, my friend told me I had to get a Jeep cuz they are awesome, so I did. That's how my true love and I met!
My Jeep, labeled "The Beast" by my son Matt, and I have been through a lot. She's had hail damage a couple times. Several wrecks have occurred, one on Thanksgiving. She has been stolen twice. The second time was in broad daylight at Walmart, and on my birthday! I tell ya, they mean it when they say prices keep dropping every day. The price of my Jeep had dropped to free that day. My Jeep has killed a couple of deers. Sorry, I don't know what she has against them. I personally like deer. The Beast has been through Matt learning to drive. One wreck later a (yes mom, I WAS following too close) and two blown speakers (no mom, I promise I didn't have the radio on full blast!) and he is now a very good driver! At least he didn't total her out. For that, I'm grateful!
Matt labeled her The Beast because she can drive over just about any curb and through most snow. She has doors of steel and a heavy chassis. I used to swap cars with Matt on snowy days because of his inexperience in driving when he was 15. He called me in the midst of his first wreck. "No, the Jeep isn't damaged at all. But.... You should have seen the trunk on that other car! It was folded in half! Tee - hee.
One particular snowy, typical winter Kansas day, our neighbor was stuck. For 30 minutes he was backing up, going forward, trying to get unstuck. He had this HUGE truck, not four wheel drive obviously. The driveway was behind his house and you had to go up an incline to get out to the street. Matt and I went over and pushed. It didn't budge. So, I offered to pull him out with the Jeep. He laughed at me, so we went back home. Hours later, his buddy came over to help him. The two of them tried all kinds of things to get him unstuck, to no avail. I walked over again. "We can try to use the Jeep to pull you out?" This time he was annoyed. "It won't work!", he said. His friend looked at me, shrugged his shoulders, and said it's worth a try. 10 minutes later, the chains are attached and The Beast is pulling that big ass truck up and out of that snowy parking lot! Yup! I'm not one to say I told you so, so I just smiled and drove home with my Jeep. He didn't even say thank you. That's ok, I left with his ego so I got more than I needed!
Now that The Beast is getting old, I feel her pain when I hear the squeaks. I just keep her lubed up with fresh synthetic oil and a bath now and then and she is good to go. She likes a couple of pats on the dash and she always brightens up when I tell her how much I love her. Sure, I miss my Fiero (Matt and I had lots of fun riding in that two seater) but my Jeep and I have been through raising a family together. You just can't replace memories like that. We are growing old together, but we still have lots of exciting adventures left! I just hope we leave this world together at the same time. I don't think I can bear to be in this life for even one day without her!
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Just Carol Ann, John or Bombshell? Hmmmm….
What is Bombshell, you may ask? Who are you dealing with when you get Bombshelled? Well, for starters, we are a pinup photography company. We take a photograph of our client and John digitally artworks it to appear as a hand painted, vintage Vargus / Elvgren style image with our own modern flair mixed in. We take women from all ages, races, walks of life, body types and we show that girl her own beauty in print. We show HER how gorgeous she is, all the while maintaining her body lines. We want to bring back curves. We want to change the media. We want to empower women. Bombshell is not just about the great image you get at the end of the process, but it's about the PROCESS. Yeah, yeah, you have heard that before. A million times! Blah, blah, blah. Enough, already! But, what is Bombshell REALLY about? What makes John tick? What makes Carol Ann tick? What makes Bombshell work? Would you like to know? Yes? Ok! I'm so glad you asked!
So, who is John? Well, he is a photographer and has been for 30 some years. He inspires other photographers. You can see that glazed look of awe when other photographers walk through the door and ask John for advice and help. And, he is the first one to give it. John loves his fellow photographer friends and they love him! Good people! It's a great thing!
John is a very giving person, sometimes to his detriment. There have been times when others steal his ideas, his methods, his practices, or just simply open up a shop next door on Mass street after working for him and being trained by him and undercut his prices and use his client base. Oops, did I say that out loud? My bad! Take back! Still, in spite of those few times, John has a huge heart and is one of the most giving people I know.
John truly has a natural ingrained talent at editing and artwork and can take just about any image and make it look great while still keeping the main aspects of the image intact. He has passion and inspiration and just wants to do what he loves most, all the time. Create. Fine art. Put his vision into print. He can look through the camera, pull out someone's soul, and display it in print. He can look at an image, see what it should look like, manipulate it, and whaa-laaa, an amazing image!
I love watching him work, as do others. If you were in our studio for a day, you would see people who come in for whatever reason, stop and stare over his shoulder, watching him create. It's impressive! It's fun! It's exciting working in a photography studio! (haha, that last line... think of the commercials back in the day: "it's exciting working in a medical office!")
John knew he wanted to be a photographer when he was in boy scouts and got his photography badge. He and a bunch of other boy scouts watched that image come to life (from nothing but an apparently blank piece of paper) in the dark room and he knew that was what he wanted to do! Forever! That was a long time ago!!! I'm surprised he can still remember that moment, it's been so long ago! But, he does remember it and you can see his blue eyes sparkle when he talks about it. That first magical moment. Most people grow up and then still can't figure out what they want to be.... I'm one of those! Sigh.
But anyway, enough about him!!! How did this end up being all about John? How did he manage to get all the limelight? John, john, john. Like what, he is that great artist. Big deal! That's just wrong. It's supposed to be all about ME! I'm the one who wants to be famous! Here I am, talking all day about John! No worries.... I will spare you all that extra verbiage and NOT talk about me. I will save "me" for another time! (Lord knows, I can talk, but I haven't seemed to figure out yet how to shut up!) THANK YOU, you say?! Hmmmmpphffff to you! Just kidding. Happy day!
xoxo,
Carol Ann
If you can't start your day with a smile on your face, then just go back to bed and try again!
So, who is John? Well, he is a photographer and has been for 30 some years. He inspires other photographers. You can see that glazed look of awe when other photographers walk through the door and ask John for advice and help. And, he is the first one to give it. John loves his fellow photographer friends and they love him! Good people! It's a great thing!
John is a very giving person, sometimes to his detriment. There have been times when others steal his ideas, his methods, his practices, or just simply open up a shop next door on Mass street after working for him and being trained by him and undercut his prices and use his client base. Oops, did I say that out loud? My bad! Take back! Still, in spite of those few times, John has a huge heart and is one of the most giving people I know.
John truly has a natural ingrained talent at editing and artwork and can take just about any image and make it look great while still keeping the main aspects of the image intact. He has passion and inspiration and just wants to do what he loves most, all the time. Create. Fine art. Put his vision into print. He can look through the camera, pull out someone's soul, and display it in print. He can look at an image, see what it should look like, manipulate it, and whaa-laaa, an amazing image!
I love watching him work, as do others. If you were in our studio for a day, you would see people who come in for whatever reason, stop and stare over his shoulder, watching him create. It's impressive! It's fun! It's exciting working in a photography studio! (haha, that last line... think of the commercials back in the day: "it's exciting working in a medical office!")
John knew he wanted to be a photographer when he was in boy scouts and got his photography badge. He and a bunch of other boy scouts watched that image come to life (from nothing but an apparently blank piece of paper) in the dark room and he knew that was what he wanted to do! Forever! That was a long time ago!!! I'm surprised he can still remember that moment, it's been so long ago! But, he does remember it and you can see his blue eyes sparkle when he talks about it. That first magical moment. Most people grow up and then still can't figure out what they want to be.... I'm one of those! Sigh.
But anyway, enough about him!!! How did this end up being all about John? How did he manage to get all the limelight? John, john, john. Like what, he is that great artist. Big deal! That's just wrong. It's supposed to be all about ME! I'm the one who wants to be famous! Here I am, talking all day about John! No worries.... I will spare you all that extra verbiage and NOT talk about me. I will save "me" for another time! (Lord knows, I can talk, but I haven't seemed to figure out yet how to shut up!) THANK YOU, you say?! Hmmmmpphffff to you! Just kidding. Happy day!
xoxo,
Carol Ann
If you can't start your day with a smile on your face, then just go back to bed and try again!
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